To continue with the theme of traveling from my previous posts, I thought I’d make a post about self-discovery. While traveling is very much an exploration of the wonders of the world, I’d say it is equally an exploration of your inner world. Something about being in a foreign place where no one knows you makes you let go of any expectation that you may have had for yourself, and that you think others may have for you. That is one feeling I love very much. It feels as if you are reconnecting with the very core of who you are and acting in alignment with yourself authentically.
For the longest time I have always pondered upon the question of “who am I?” and “what makes someone who they are?” and have been frustrated countless times because each time I ask myself those questions I can’t quite come to a conclusion. A recent conversation on Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle had sort of unexpectedly shed light on this topic. The physics principle basically states that you cannot measure the position and velocity of an object at the same time. Applying that to the whole self-discovery shabam, I’ve translated it to “You can either know exactly who you are, or you can know where you are headed, but not both”. For someone who dislikes uncertainty, that has given me a lot of comfort in the fact that I don’t know who I am. Now I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that it is okay not to know!
That’s kind of all I had to say for this post – that it’s okay that we don’t know who we are exactly and that we are still figuring things out. To finish off, there is a piece of writing I’ve crafted during my intensively self-reflective phases which I think I am now ready to share. It’s a piece of writing quite personal to me but in sharing it I feel like I am opening up and letting go simultaneously. So, here goes…
Who am I?
Am I who the camera captures?
The genuine moments of expression
Fleetingness being granted an eternity
Am I who the artist sees?
The modest details overlooked by others
Down to every freckle
Every scar
A fine piece of art
Appreciated by few
Understood by fewer
But a masterpiece nonetheless
Or am I who the mirror tells me I am?
A reflection off shiny glass –
Mirror mirror on the wall
Distorted reality making me fall
Reflected thoughts
and the remnants that fought
I am the sunrise in the morning
A clash of colours you’d never catch me wearing
Yet when I do,
Most are still asleep
I am the cup of tea I sip in the morning
Gentle awakening to the day with
Scorching intensity
Handle with care
I am the music blasting
Singing at the top of my lungs
Too loud for some, yet
Some still never hear me
I am my tears flowing down my face
Frustrated, defeated
Liberated
Unstoppable
I am my two A.M. monologue
And five P.M. plans
An organized mess
I am the Queen yet
I do not have control
My thoughts are
my kingdom and they have
been dethroned
I am a candle burning
amongst others
Lighting up the darkness
Still, some desperately try to
put me out
I am the camera, the artist, the mirror and
I am the piece itself
there to be read
by those who dare
xo, Clueless
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